Truly, this website has been a concept in my head that had been playing out many different ways like a movie of my life that I wasn’t given a starring role to.
One of the great attributes that I feel that I possess is my ability to share my heart, grief, anger, sadness, with people…
For what? I had believed that maybe I could connect and empathize or that I could be fulfilled inside by sharing, when I was so raw and empty. But, none of that really happened and when I truly shared, I isolated others.
Now, never meaning to isolate, but realizing that I can share and not be heard and THAT task was necessary and ok. Truth that is visible, can always be a healing thing, it is movement inside ourselves that helps us to create.
I’ve learned about myself in this past four years, that I am most visible and relevant to MYSELF when I am creating. There is a passion that burns inside of me that creates energy that no force can stop when I am making things. I have afforded myself many chances to create in the last four years, and watched each opportunity walk on by, making excuses about why I can’t or won’t and truly manipulating myself, in its “truth.”
It’s a funny thing that we can do that to ourselves. Wallow in our stories of fiction, while we envy those who play our role better? It gets so comfortable to watch. Since the fall of this year, I have felt my most miserable of presence, and inside myself. I had watched others around me reflecting the same misery. It truly enjoys company. I had my first involuntary thought of suicide, and the notion that know one cares for me here, right after Christmas. It was scary as hell. Because it didn’t align with me, at all.
But, every cell inside of my body rebels against the notion that I can just sit, not create, and be miserable. Let alone, want to die. This is not a task that my soul will allow for me. Here I have been for four years, creating internal chaos instead of what I want to create most; Change. Personal, Change.
A Resolution of Renee. A day in and day out task of unadulterated pure love of self. Creating Renee, as her highest form, and leaving behind a past that truly won’t serve me. Using every light and dark event as a propelling point of movement, ahead; Living.
I have grappled with this notion, and where to start. I have gathered and researched myself to death with the hows’, whens’, and whys’…until I decided none of that is what I needed. So where to start?
A re-birth of self confidence, changing the story one by one, and engaging in vulnerabilities each day as if it is my career.
Create. Create. Create.
I don’t know what I am going to create, but I created this website in one evening, because my intuition was flagged and the passion burned so hot, I didn’t even look back or question the movement. I created.
Listen. I’m going to take in as much as I can, I am going to put it in my body. If it aligns with my origin and brings me higher elevation, I will soak it in and share it.
I am going to fill my body with good. Good messages, food, healing, spirit, people, earth, and let that fulfill me.
Resolutions should be visible! We all know we need something good to hold into our bodies. Create a space where your vulnerabilities can be bare so, people can see the resolution revolution happen.
Love. Fiercely. Wholly, and LIVE.
Practice Gratitude. Thank you for hearing me, seeing me, and letting me bare my vulnerabilities.
With Peace. Love. & Confidence.